worst sales pitch

And the Winner for Worst Sales Pitch Ever Goes To…

I wasn’t out there looking for the winner of the worst sales pitch ever. That person found me.

Here’s an email I received through the contact form on my website:

We are Digital Advertisement Company guiding Advertisers to enhance their digital growth & strategy to achieve more consumers through our Millions of optimized traffic volume over all major verticals from premium sites, Social and DOI Email database Worldwide.

Let’s unpack all the problems with this, shall we?

Why this is the worst sales pitch ever

It was not written by a native English speaker/writer

Learning to speak English is hard. Learning to write it is even harder. I know, because I’m married to Dutchman. His dad is Dutch, his mom is Portuguese. My dad was born and raised in Hungary. All four of them will tell you that English is a very hard language to learn.

That’s why any company that wants to reach a native English speaker must work with writers and marketers who know the language inside and out. Otherwise, no matter how smart and accomplished you are, you might not make sense. The sentence above is a perfect case study.

It’s one long, run-on sentence

Read that sales pitch out loud without taking a breath, and you might pass out. This one sentence could easily be broken into three or even four sentences.

But even worse, I had to read it a few times to understand what the heck they’re trying to say. In marketing, that’s the kiss of death.

Words are randomly capitalized

One of my biggest pet peeves is random capitalization. In some languages, that is normal. In English, it’s not.

And in our sentence above, the words that are capitalized are truly random. Why was “millions” capitalized but not “optimized traffic volume”? Why was “email” capitalized but not “database”? I guess this will forever remain a mystery.

This is all about them, not me 

Companies in every industry make the mistake of talking about what they do, not what they can do for me. This company is no exception.

I want to know why I should work with you, which means I want to know what kind of results you can deliver. If you’re going to cold email me, you need to include that to get my attention. 

They never mention the company’s name! 

That is such a monumental mistake, I’m not even going to expand on it. It kind of leaves me speechless.

I don’t know what “DOI email” is 

I did a Google Search, and came up empty. If you know what DOI stands for, please let me know.

But in any case, it’s very bad form to use an acronym without first spelling it out.

There’s no call-to-action

Last but certainly not least, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with this sales pitch. It’s missing a “next step”. And I am definitely not going to try to track them down online, let alone email back the sender.

My re-write of the worst sales pitch

Is one of your goals this year to get more clients, increase sales and make more money?

Our company, XYZ, specializes in digital advertising for marketing and creative agencies. Last year, we helped [number] agencies achieve an average of XX% increase in sales.

If you’re interested in results like that, email me back and we’ll schedule a time to talk.

Sincerely,

Me

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